Self Confidence – The Ingredients 

As there is sparkle to in the star dust, likewise there is magic in personality which is self-confident. Now a simple question pops up that what is self-confidence? In the view of the sages, self-confidence is an outcome of self-reliance. Hence we move forward in untangling the secrets of self-reliance to grasp the structure of inner thoughts and experiences which give birth to a self-confident personality.

As we understand ‘self-confidence’, it is an objective concept and, can be learnt through adopting various actions otherwise as ingredients which are as follows:

1. Truth

Truth is all awareness. Robert Anthony says in his book The ultimate secret of total self- confidence, “The degree to which you are awaken is in direct proportion to the amount of truth that you can accept about yourself”, and, “Be a light unto your own feet”.

Hence by being a light to own two feet, we become fully aware of the ground on which we stand. When our ground is unshaken, we stand tall and firm. But as we grow so we are tested and, we learn that sometimes when the ground is shaky, it calls for a different course of action than the one previously adopted.

The author says that there are some mistaken certainties which bind us to failure by not converting our expectations into realities. They tint our awareness like rose-colored glasses which makes us view everything with a single color. However, the way to correct our self-limiting beliefs is a self-check by comparing them to facts i.e. to become more self-aware. The checklist is applicable when our ground becomes shaky which are as follows:

1. Cease to defend your view point of being right and, wrong. Give away defensiveness. Defending your mistaken certainties makes you unteachable and new ideas do not come

2. Re-asses your concepts, beliefs, aggressions, defenses, goals, assertions, ideals, hopes, compulsions, etc.

3. Reorganize and understand your real needs and, motivations.

4. Learn to trust your intuition

5. Observe your mistakes and, try to correct them

6. Love yourself and others

7. Learn to listen without prejudging , train yourself to hear what is being said without the necessity of believing

8. Notice what you are defending most of the timei9. Realize that your new awareness will change you for the better

You need to act for yourself in such testing times and, become more self-aware to be better.

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2. Trust

When testing times arrive, it is trusting in us ourselves, or God, or Science, or any philosophy for that sake which is the mantra of one’s life and, makes us have faith in our unique gifts, it works.

A highly respected poet of his time once said, “Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

There are challenges in all lives. People in all parts of the world face circumstances. The most beautiful form of resilience is trust.

According to Dictionary.com, trust is,” The confident expectation of something; hope”. Trust is a belief that once we have placed our effort, the outcome will be fine. It is very necessary to keep calm and, to have faith. It adds to our persona and gives out positive vibes.

While doing any task if one fails, one should keep this poem by T.H. Palmer in mind and, never lose hope,

Tis a lesson you should heed,

If at first you don’t succeed,

Try, try again;

 

Then your courage should appear,

For if you will persevere,

You will conquer, never fear

Try, try again;

 

Once or twice, though you should fail,

If you would at last prevail,

Try, try again;

 

If we strive, ’tis no disgrace

Though we do not win the race;

What should you do in the case?

Try, try again

 

If you find your task is hard,

Time will bring you your reward,

Try, try again

 

All that other folks can do,

Why, with patience, should not you?

Only keep this rule in view:

Try, try again.

 

3. Optimism

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Optimism is an outlook on life that things will get better. It is an undying hope in the positivity of human condition. It is the belief which states full confidence in the outcome of something. Such a way of thinking adds confidence to personality as well by not making the ground too shaky. It is also a problem solving approach that one doesn’t put all one’s eggs in one basket so that the probability of a successful outcome increases in the face of all odds.

4. Self-reliance

First of all, one needs to come out of the captive thinking that someone else is responsible for us. The more we take responsibility of our actions, the more are we in control of our destiny.

Our actions determine how far we can go in life.  It seldom depends on luck or, fortune. It depends on experience of accomplishing a goal successfully. It depends on the understanding of habits which are against conformity and, are marked as risks and, bravery.

Dr. Robert Anthony in his book The ultimate secrets of total self-confidence says that, “The main deterrent of self-reliance is the mistaken certainty others are smarter or brighter or more intelligent than we are so we look to them for our happiness and, welfare.”

Self-confidence is, in short, the small step which one takes in the direction of one’s goals focusing all of one’s efforts relentlessly to pursue that goal. It is the hard earned success which glares as self confidence in our personalities. It sprouts from self-reliance i.e. by trusting in our abilities that once we are going to work, we will get the desired outcomes from our efforts.

We should never rob someone of their self-confidence by doing what they can do for themselves. It is called stealing by Dr. Robert Anthony as it mars the concept of self-reliance.

5. Disdain approval

To attain self-confidence, one might have to let a few others down as conformity is cowardice. One should be able to carve out one’s path amid all circumstances and, in all conditions, whether it is accepted by others or, not. To stay realistic, one should take decisions which are well thought out and, discussed with the authority over that subject. In this way, decisions become easier to take and, they breed far reaching benefits. Stephen Covery calls this process of decision making through counsel seeking as a maturity continuum in his book 7 habits of highly effective people. It is moving from independent decision making to interdependence. Please do not confuse it with approval of others. Seeking approval of others shows a lack of substance in the person. Interdependence shows maturity.

Conclusively, these five elements are the main ingredients of self-confidence at any stage in life. Self-confidence can be strengthened by practicing it and, by untangling it in its details to know its right structural framework.

 

 

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